Whether you’re ttc, pregnant or a parent, chances are at some stage your anxiety has stepped up a notch. Or maybe not! We talk to one of our favourite advisers women’s mental health expert, author, CEO and psychotherapist Emmy Brunner about her top tips for managing this. Specifically why directly making time and investing in your emotional health may just be the best thing you ever did…. 

Making your wellbeing and self care a priority: 

This is powerful for anyone, but especially if you’re going through a vulnerable stage in your life. It starts with the direct intention to make your emotional health and wellbeing a priority. Not just something you shoehorn into the end of a busy day. In fact, it is something that Emmy says she puts above everything else. 

This applies to any stage of the journey…

Whether you’re ttc and going through the dreaded two week wait to trying to manage ‘mom guilt’ it can be a minefield. This one switch can make a meaningful difference. 

The anxiety of ttc: 

‘I have seen many women who have multiple reasons and physical barriers to achieving pregnancy become pregnant against the odds and I believe a large part of that is because of mindset.’ 

Emmy’s view is that so much of this is about surrendering to the lack of control and letting go. Unfortunately when we fight things that we do not fully control anxiety tends to go into overdrive. Frustratingly we all know that anxiety is not helpful for the process of ttc. The irony! 

Once you’ve done all that you can, it is far more productive to focus your energy away from the process itself. Focus onto yourself. Instead investing in nurturing your emotional balance and wellbeing vs wildly googling every symptom and scare story. 

So how do you actually invest in your self care, emotional balance and wellbeing?! 

‘I invest a huge amount into my own wellbeing, in fact I prioritise it above everything. When you’re your most well balanced self  you’re so much more available to the people who need you and prepared for the things you want to achieve.’ 

As before, the first step is to make a conscious decision to switch your energy and focus into improving and supporting your emotional wellbeing. Actively make time for it. Make it a priority in your life. Don’t just sandwich it in when and if you have time. 

Next up its about baby steps… 

Starting small:

‘I work with a lot of high achieving women who will set out huge goals and then put themselves under huge pressure to achieve them. This applies to every aspect of their lives. The trouble with this is that high expectations can increase the odds that you don’t immediately achieve your goals. That leads us to a sense of failure, shame and reduction in confidence. Exactly the thing we are seeking to avoid!’

‘I encourage everyone to invest the time in some form of meditation practise’: 

Too often with meditation we start with lofty expectations. Too often we think of sitting in a darkened room for 30 mins hoping for spiritual awakening. Often you’re left feeling frustrated and more stressed than when you began when inevitably you ‘fail’! 

The key to starting a meditation practise is to start small. Meditation is really just giving yourself a few minutes to stop and be still. To have some time for you. That’s the real aim. Five minutes to start with is a good aim. 

It is also important not to focus on what other people do for meditation. Find what works for you. Be that listening to a guided meditation, some music or even just sitting still. Taking the time and making the commitment to figure out what works for you. By the way, it is called meditation ‘practise’ for a reason. It takes time and practise to get used to it. If you’re managing just a few minutes per day its a massive achievement. But, stick with it! 

Click here for more for Emmy’s ‘how to’ for Meditation.

If you’re not willing to get things ‘wrong’ you cannot possibly grow – especially as a parent: 

Once again we tend to put massive pressure on ourselves to ‘achieve’ whatever we set out to, immediately and perfectly. Particularly when it comes to parenting. Life is about finding balance and sometimes you have to ask yourself: ‘where are the unrealistic expectations coming from?’

Many of us have an intolerance for ‘getting things wrong’. When it comes to parenting we are all just trying our best and figuring it out. If you’re not willing to make mistakes and ‘get it wrong’ then you can’t know for next time. You can’t keep growing and developing as a parent. 

‘For me, great parenting is showing up and being there. It’s time we adjust our expectations of self’. 

Unrealistic expectations just fuel a cycle of feeling shame and failure. Start by being conscious of when you’re doing it. 

Negative self talk: 

Many people accept (or fail to acknowledge) a very negative inner voice. Against themselves and the actions they take. Ironically if you’re continually telling yourself negative things about yourself it can become a self fulfilling prophesy. It will certainly make you feel pretty rotten.  

The first step is to become conscious that you’re doing it. Would you ever speak to a friend the way you speak to yourself? Be curious about where this comes from and what it says about the core beliefs you have about yourself. 

Click here for more on how to shift this powerful detractor. 

How Emmy has managed anxiety from ttc, through pregnancy through having kids and being a career woman: 

‘I use various tools. Firstly I use a ‘Vision Board’ and I tend to revisit this every six months or so. Up there I put the things I want to achieve and what is really important to me at the time. Life is a balancing act. I’ve learnt not to be so rigid about where I’m going. To be flexible with my goals around my kids, my relationships and my work. That’s not to say I don’t have aims and ambitions but I’m more open to directions I’m led in. I now listen more to my inner self and knowing. I am more willing to take a risk on myself. I am more accepting that if something doesn’t pan out the way that I wanted or intended then it wasn’t for me.’ 

‘I also do Future Self Journalling. This is recognising limiting patterns in my behaviour and working through them. I focus on one behaviour every 30 days.

Future Self Journalling: a powerful tool of self investment and development: 

The way Emmy approaches this is focusing on one single aspect that she wants to work on at a given time.

•  Every day she starts with a positive affirmation around that intention.
•  Next is an ‘action’. What can you do that day to commit to shifting that pattern? 
• Next is a list of what she’s grateful for in that moment.  
• She also examines the limitations that this chosen behaviour imposes on her life. 
• Finally is visualising what life would look like if you can stamp out this limiting behaviour. 

‘I firmly believe our minds create our realities.’ 

For more from Emmy check out our podcast with her here and her ten ways to manage anxiety in your life. She is also here on Instagram. 

————————————————————————————————————————————————————

This article is for informational purposes only. This article is not, nor is it intended to be, a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment and should never be relied upon for specific medical advice. The information on this website has been developed following years of personal research and from referenced and sourced medical research. Before making any changes we strongly recommend you consult a healthcare professional before you begin.

Copyright © 2023